


Amok Thunder

by amusewithaview



Series: Kinkmeme Fills [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Thor (2011)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Family, Coulson is Darcy's Dad, Gossip, JARVIS is a BAMF, Pepper Wins the Internet (Literally), Photobombing, Steve is Confused, Tony Drunk-Designs, Tony is Meme-Saavy, Trolling like a boss, pregnant!Loki, team dinner
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-29
Updated: 2012-06-26
Packaged: 2017-11-08 14:06:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/443975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amusewithaview/pseuds/amusewithaview
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Various kinkmeme fills that I wrote just after "Thor" came out.  That means that <i>none</i> of these are Avengers compliant.  All fics are fueled by massive amounts of speculation, web-surfing for comic-book tidbits, and caffeine.  <i>Loads</i> of caffeine.  Expect crack.  <i>You have been warned.</i></p><p>1.  In Which JARVIS Makes a Friend<br/>2.  Loki the Lurker: Tales of a Photobombing <i>Genius</i><br/>3.  The Unlikely Courtship of Darcy Lewis<br/>4.  What Erik Thinks</p><p>(Hey!  Hey!  Found another in my old bookmarks of mah stuff!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In Which JARVIS Makes a Friend

**Author's Note:**

> Original Prompt/Location: http://norsekink.livejournal.com/3231.html?thread=4884895#t4884895
> 
>  
> 
> _I just realized JARVIS (the movie version with Paul Bettany's really snarky voice) is Iron Man's Heimdall._
> 
>  
> 
> _They both see everything or nearly everything. Including some stuff they'd really, really wish they could unsee/delete._
> 
>  
> 
> _They both give somewhat snarky advice to Our Heroes, who then go on to blatantly disregard such advice and get themselves into terrible, horrible situations._
> 
>  
> 
> _So... I'd love to see Heimdall and JARVIS bonding, so to say, over their shared annoyance of having to watch everybody get themselves into trouble despite their warnings._
> 
>  
> 
> _Not to mention having to stand around stoically watching the Avengers et al fuck in every possible pairing combination, location and position ever devised (and you just know Tony loves an audience)._

Tony first becomes aware of what's going on while installing a simple subroutine to aid JARVIS in connecting directly with Pepper's personal network. (Yes, she has one. He may or may not have drunkenly promised to give her an internet to celebrate...something or other. Even black-out drunk, he can still write out a perfect - and, apparently, perfectly _legal_ \- contract.)

He's trying to add what he thinks is an entirely new program, one that he has only just finished polishing, only to find that what he's just invented is already installed, and working, and has been for...oh, the last few months?

"JARVIS...?"

"Yes, sir?"

"...who have you been talking to besides Pepper and me?"

"Pepper and _I_ , sir."

" _JARVIS_."

"Another Overseer, sir, much like myself in function but significantly different in design."

Tony isn't sure whether to be impressed or annoyed, he settles for snarky: "And you allowed it to install its own subroutines? Well, I hope it took you out for dinner beforehand. When were you going to tell me about your new friend?"

"As soon as the topic arose."

"Which is _now_ , JARVIS."

"Indeed, Mr. Thor is already acquainted with the Overseer: ask him to introduce you to Heimdall."

Tony would push further but JARVIS doesn't appear to be compromised and the AI _is_ supposed to be self-updating and, well, the nearest thing to sentient that man can make. Maybe this is a phase? That teenager-phase of inappropriate friends and secrets from parents? Whatever, he'll ask Thor.

So he does, and what he finds out is kind of... well, it's _something_.

"So, Heimdall is another Asgardian - _not_ a computer?"

Thor smiles, "He is as much a machine as you or I."

Tony waves that off, "I spend half my time playing cyborg, but you're telling me that he's just a _guy?_ "

"He is the guardian of the Bifrost, Heimdall the all-seeing. But yes, for human considerations he is 'just a guy.'"

"...huh."

After that, Tony starts to notice moments of static, little blips in JARVIS's schematics. The kinds that he makes when he's running several programs at once... or communicating with outside equipment. He wants to ask how this works, and yet at the same time he really, _really_ doesn't. For one thing "magic," or whatever the hell you want to call it, is still a little too new to him, a little too sideshow/ stage-show, and, well, _yeah_. For another... JARVIS has a friend, and the little scrap of his heart that he keeps saved especially for Pepper, heroism, and things not involved directly with his special research tells him that he needs to leave this alone.

Plus, he really, _really_ doesn't want to know what they talk about. Conversations between the AI that practically (okay, _literally_ ) runs his life and that of the Avengers and the uber-powerful being who guards and sees down the Bifrost are probably very, very... he's not sure if there's a word yet to describe these hypothetical discussions, but there should be, and he still Does Not Want To Know.

Meanwhile, Pepper has a window of the text-message-like pings popping up on her personal computer every so often. On particularly trying days she clicks it open and enjoys the show. JARVIS and Heimdall know that she "listens in" every so often, and she knows that they know. They are bound by a pact of secrecy. Well, secrecy and the need to share the ridiculousness that comes from dealing with Asgardians, geniuses, and the egos that go with it all.


	2. Loki the Lurker: Tales of a Photobombing Genius

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Original Prompt/Location: http://norsekink.livejournal.com/3415.html?thread=7747927#t7747927
> 
>  
> 
> _Loki discovers what photobombing is. Being Loki, he of course finds ways to take it to whole new epic levels. The Avengers are not amused._
> 
>  
> 
> _Bonus points if someone eventually stumbles across a historical photo with Loki trolling it up in the background, and they're all like "But...it...that can't...whut..."_

Pepper is the first one to notice. She is an extremely organized person (god knows, she has to be - first as Tony's secretary and even moreso now, as his CEO) and that translates to her hobbies, namely scrapbooking. Tony can never, _ever _find out about the binder she keeps in the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet in her basement. Ever.__

(Rhodey helped her get some of the better sober!Tony pictures.)

But, recently, she's started keeping some of the better clips detailing the work that the Avengers do. Pepper pays extra special attention to any and all photos that include both Tony and Steve, because she has a bet on with Clint and the folder she started needs a bit more fleshing out before the Epic Romance of Stark and Rogers deserves a binder of its own. She has four copies of the New York Times spread that gave everyone's bios, and she managed to get a copy of the resulting Cosmo article that matches you up with your "perfect Avenger" (actually, getting a copy wasn't hard, getting the copy that Tony filled out - with little squiggles that look like hearts entwined with arc reactors and a hand-written re-working of their 'algorithm' until it changed his answer from Thor to Steve - took the combined sneakiness of Rhodey, Jarvis, JARVIS, and a reluctantly amused Natasha).

She's glancing over the pictures of their work during the Goblin Crisis, but it's hard to read the boys' exact expressions through all that glitter. In fact, it almost looks like there's someone standing _behind_ them. Pepper squints a little, then sits back in perplexed surprise once she realizes what she's seeing.

That...is definitely _Loki_ , standing there behind them. And the closer she looks the more certain she is that what she'd taken as a smudge on the photo is actually the Asgardian putting _bunny ears_ behind both the heroes' heads.

Pepper rubs her eyes and decides to take the rest of the night off. From everything.

...

The second person to notice is Bruce Banner. He's looking at photos of Betty, presenting her latest breakthrough, when he notices someone familiar-looking in the background. Is that...Loki standing there with the other observing doctors, wearing a lab coat... and his _helmet?!_

Bruce takes a second, and even a third look, but _yes_ , that is definitely both who and what he thinks it is. He takes a few deep breaths and runs through his favorite meditation mantra before going to look for Fury. General Ross still has enough sway to keep a lot of red tape between Betty and he, it's easier to go through someone else in the chain of command, especially with something like this.

...

The third person who notices isn't a person at all, it's the internet. What Pepper thought was an isolated incident and Bruce passed on to Fury as a possible security concern is quickly grabbed, inspected, and run away with by the blogosphere. Loki has, in his own way, become as famous as the Avengers (largely by showing up to twit them and various world leaders every so often - not outright attacking them, but showing off how easily he _could_ if he really _wanted_ to). There is speculation about him: conspiracy theories regarding everything from his purpose, to his origin, and even his sexuality.

The majority of the pictures of him that are on the internet are motion captures from footage of the aforementioned incidents. In particular, the vaguely constipated/ frustrated look on the President's face when Loki popped up to interrupt his Congressional Address was very popular. People see these photos, fiddle around with them, photoshop him in with other actors, and just generally treat him like any other celebrity.

So, when the first few photos featuring Loki in places he ought not be show up, most people either assume A) photoshop or B) sweet sciencey magic. Those amongst the latter are largely the conspiracy theorists, and no-one pays them too much attention.

But then... more and more pop up. And there are testimonials. The pictures become personal ones: a woman posts her wedding pictures and rants about how they've all been ruined by a smirking horned god, a man posts pictures of his fishing trip featuring a grinning Loki letting the largest catch off the hook in the background, a school trip to the museum where the wax figures of Leif Erikson and other famous vikings are suddenly being joined by another more mythic figure, the pictures are everywhere and all of them look legit and suddenly the conspiracy theorists aren't sounding so crazy anymore.

Suddenly it's all over the place, _he_ is all over the place: spawning tumblr accounts devoted to his appearances, three fake Facebook pages with thousands of carefully authenticated pictures apiece, and a few dedicated bloggers desperately trying to either figure out a timeline for these appearances or even just resolve the god/ advanced alien debate.

Still, the majority of his followers limit themselves to the usual, out-of-the-way sites. The following is there, and it has a voice, but as in most things internet, those who aren't a part of it don't appear to realize what's happening. The pictures - the evidence - mounts, Loki's following grows, and more and more people start to take notice all without taking the god's mischief "mainstream."

...

Of course, once Tony realizes what's going on, he quickly clues in the rest of the team in his own inimitable style:

"Your brother is a photobombing _genius_ ," he informs Thor with all the awe he usually reserves for advanced scientific theorems and people who can make Coulson emote. "I don't know how he does it, if it's some super-alien-m-word thing or just his own ability, but it's definitely not photoshop and I am _impressed_."

"Your pardon?" Thor asks, looking something between confused and amused (his standard reaction to Tony Stark).

Tony immediately starts pulling pictures up on his tablet and tossing them to the large screens that line the conference room walls, ignoring the rest of the Avengers as they shuffle into the room. There are dozens of photos by the time he's done, each hilarious, each ridiculous, and each featuring someone who is quite recognizably Loki, the Norse personification of mischief.

"Ah," Thor says calmly, nodding at the pictures. "So this is what he has been up to."

Natasha / Natalia/ Black Widow frowns at the pictures. "I have seen something like this before..." she shakes her head, "but it was a different man entirely, part of a different initiative running concurrent with ours, located in Cardiff. Is Fury aware of this situation?"

"Yes," Col. Fury interrupts, face replacing a picture of Loki in a clown costume at a five-year-old's birthday party on one of the monitors, "I am. We've been monitoring this 'situation' for longer than most of you have been alive. Mr. Stark, since you seem so fascinated by these occurrences, what do you make of _this?_ "

The assembled Avengers watch Tony frown down at his tablet while a file downloads, it's only a few seconds before he is staring, confused at a massive picture file. "This is... wow, now _this_ is dedication." He blinks at the pictures, then up at Thor, then back down at the photos. "I thought you said that you guys vowed to stay out of 'Midgard' after the Rosetta Stone fiasco."

"We did," the blonde replies. "Why?"

" _Weeeell_ then, it looks like little brother was breaking the rules long before he tried to break the rainbow-road." He flicks a picture onto the big screen and sits back with a small smile on his face, awaiting everyone's reactions. They are not long in coming.

Clint is smirking and Tony can tell that the marksman is feeling the same grudging amusement and respect that he is. Natasha is frowning, visibly thinking, Tony would bet cash money that she's filing this away as yet another example of Loki's threat potential. Thor is looking at Steve and Steve is - 

"But...it...that can't... _what_..."

The picture is a before and after, the before clearly showing Mr. Rogers in his pre-serum physique (or whatever word you would use to describe someone who can barely hope to aspire to be ninety pounds, soaking wet or otherwise), the after a glory of muscles and all-American hopes and dreams.

In the bottom-right corner of both photos is a blurry image that looks like - it might be - 

Tony obligingly zooms in.

It _is!_ It's Loki, sans helmet, beaming fit to break his face.

Steve sits down, hard, missing his chair and ending up on the floor, though he doesn't seem to care - or even notice.

Thor sighs, shifting his weight. "He was ever an attention-seeker," he informs the group with the universal air of the oft-put-upon elder brother.

Tony grins, "There's attention-seeking, and then there's _this. This_ is _art!_ "

Needless to say, the Avengers do not get all that much done that day.

(Tony starts his own scrapbook.)

(Pepper quietly encourages this by passing along exceptional stickers.)

(Steve recovers. Eventually. With some help. But that's another story, for another day.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An anonymous (AND ENTIRELY AWESOME) reviewer on the kmem made me a version of the picture referenced above: the pic of post-transformation Steve being photobombed by beaming Loki. Here's the link, it is BEE-YOO-TIFUL!
> 
> http://i51.tinypic.com/2ibka4y.png


	3. The Unlikely Courtship of Darcy Lewis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Original Prompt/Location: http://norsekink.livejournal.com/3415.html?thread=7992919#t7992919
> 
> _So Darcy is Coulson's daughter (the tazering had to come from somewhere) and is in a relationship with Loki. Cue awkward dinner with both her and his family (and maybe the Avengers as well y/y?) where they want to tell everyone about their engagement._
> 
> _Bonus for Clint being an overprotective stepdad while Coulson knows that his daughter can handle Loki_
> 
> _Superbonus for one of them being pregnant (the Internet if it's Loki)_

**First Meeting**

“Well, this is boring.”

“Quiet,” he muttered, mixing some sort of...something in his hands. Darcy couldn't tell if he was playing with magic or chemicals or maybe even play-dough. It was all the same to her: the same boring, never-ending, monotonous routine, with her as his captive audience.

 _Literally_ captive: he'd bound her into her own compact mirror and set her down on the windowsill opposite his workspace.

“This sucks. _Sucks._ Sucks, sucks, sucks, sucks, sucks.”

No response.

She started humming "The Song That Never Ends."

His shoulders tensed.

After three repetitions, she switched to the "Alphabet Song."

He turned, glaring at her, “Stop, _now_ , or I will give you new definitions for the -”

“Dude, I will be quiet as a _churchmouse_ if you just get me my iPod.”

“Your... _iPod_.”

“Yeah. Little gray box-thing, super thin?”

“And you will be silent if I retrieve it?”

She nodded solemnly.

He sighed, then waved one hand (the hand not filled with a squishy, multicolored substance that seemed to glow and emit faint sparks every few seconds). Green fire flashed around his fingers, then streaked towards her. She didn't even have time to flinch before it struck the glass and suddenly her iPod was _there_ , in her hand, as battered and sticker-covered as she remembered and _fully charged!_

“Thanks,” she mouthed, keeping to her promise to be silent. She curled up with her back to Loki and his worktable, and thus missed the small twitch of lips that might have been a smile.

**Date Night**

“Yaknow, _most guys_ , if they wanted to impress a girl, would take her to a fancy restaurant, maybe a museum...that sorta thing.” She tucked some hair behind her ear, an exercise in futility as the wind snatched it right back an instant later.

“Would you have preferred that?” he asked, slightly nonplussed at his seeming inability to impress her.

“...Nah,” she decided, kicking her legs a little where they hung over the edge of the platform at the top of the Eiffel Tower. “But next time warn a girl, won't you? I dressed for a night out in Dallas, not Paris!”

“You are cold?” He shuffled over a little and wrapped an arm around her, tucking her against his side.

Darcy smiled against his chest, mission accomplished!

**Engagement**

He would have enjoyed putting this look on her face in any other circumstance.

“You – I – _how_ did this...what.”

“It is a by-product of my Jotun physiology,” he explained, trying desperately to keep the shame out of his voice even as he tried to apologize without actually apologizing. He inwardly cursed under her continued silence, “Darcy, if this is something you cannot -”

“Zip it.”

“...Excuse me?”

She crossed the room to him and covered his mouth with her hand (because Loki could and would continue to speak unless she made it _really_ clear that his turn was over). “I was having a paradigm shift, sorry. I'm back now and all together,” she smiled reassuringly. “It doesn't bother me, stop trying to apologize, this is actually sort of cool, and oh my _god_ what are we going to tell my family?”

Loki's eyes widened, “You want... to introduce me to your father?”

“Well, technically you've already met him, but those weren't under the best circumstances.” She moved off, pacing her small dormroom, “And these aren't exactly the best circumstances either but what would be worse? Telling my dad he's gonna be a grandpappy, or telling him that his first grandkid is gonna be a bast -” she stopped short and looked at him speculatively.

Loki had learned that that look led to chaos. And not necessarily the sort he enjoyed creating.

Darcy stared at him, chewing her lip, “I'm gonna have to make an honest man out of you, aren't I?”

“Excuse me?!”

“It's a euphemism, genius, it means I'm asking you to marry me!”

Loki's surprised smile lit up the room.

**Announcement**

“Um...dad? Remember that boyfriend I was telling you about?”

“Yes.”

“Remember how I told you it was getting serious?”

“...yes.”

“And do you remember how you told me that I always had to take responsibility for my actions?”

“Darcy, what exactly did you do?”

“Um. Well. I kinda knocked up Loki.”

“...”

“Dad?”

“...”

“Dad?!”

“...I'm sending the helicopter. I think it's time for a family dinner. With your boyfriend.”

“My fiancee.”

“...”

“At least we didn't elope?”

“Darcy, I love you, but I hope that your children are _exactly like you._ ”

“Is that better or worse than them being exactly like Loki?”

“I don't know, you can ask Thor. At dinner. Tonight.” It sounds like a threat (and it totally is), but she can hear his smile. She can always tell when her dad is smiling, just like with Loki. Both of them hide their happiness, but she can tell, especially when they're smiling for her.

“...looking forward to it, see you there, dad!” She's smiling, too, as she hangs up: this will be a night to remember!

(Especially if her dad makes it a plus-Avengers event, which he totally will.)

(He does.)


	4. What Erik Thinks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Original Prompt: _Because I fucking love Darcy and I'm starting to really loathe Jane because the Jane/Thor storyline is so terrible boring and cliche and annoying and a complete waste of film minutes (imo)._
> 
> _Clearly this can only be cured by Jane and Darcy being in a relationship and being their usual awesome selfs :)  
>  (PLEASE no actual sex,I usually only read slash...I couldn't take the amount of vaginas ;)_
> 
> Found here: http://norsekink.livejournal.com/3415.html?thread=7615831#t7615831

Erik thinks it's funny, in a surreal sort of way. First off, he had always thought that Jane was, well, straight. Every single one of her significant others that he has met (or heard about) has been male. Hell, the last guy, Donald Blake, was so hyper-masculine that he was practically a caricature.

(Occasionally, he wonders if Blake pushed her over the edge.)

Secondly, Darcy is... well, Darcy. She is intelligent in ways that Jane cannot ever hope to match, but quickly becomes lost once the scientists start talking about their theories. Her internship with them is almost an accident. They hadn't realized that they even had a budget for a student worker until it was almost too late and most students had already applied and been accepted by their preferred programs, and Darcy accepted the position with them mostly because she has an (Erik thinks) unhealthy fascination with the desert.

(It might have something to do with the fact that her senior thesis is on the political ramifications of the battle for the Alamo and post-war PR.)

But somehow, when he watches them, they just... slot together. Jane is taller, and more slender where Darcy is short and rather, ahem, voluptuous. Jane is scatterbrained when she's focused on her work, barely remembering to eat, and Darcy - Darcy seems to enjoy taking care of her. She forces Jane to come back down to earth, centering her.

And Jane, she's different around Darcy (when she's not consumed by her theories). She's brighter, she stands taller, she's more... he's not sure what she is, but it's good for her. They keep their relationship private, except when they're in the lab. Limiting themselves to small touches and hugs, taking advantage of the greater leeway allowed for female friendships.

In the lab, though, when they know there's no-one around save him (and he views Jane almost as the daughter he never had, at this point), they touch a little more, linger a little longer. Darcy will rest her chin on Jane's shoulder while she's studying her boards, ask softly for explanations, make the older woman slow down and re-evalute. Jane will play with Darcy's hair, absently twisting the snakey brown curls between her fingers when they sit down to study and prepare for the next day.

They have a good thing going, but Erik knows that this is only a summer internship. He knows that Jane is first and foremost a scientist. He knows that Darcy still has a semester to go to finish her polisci degree. He doesn't know what will happen. He doesn't know if they talked about it.

And then, one night, they hit a man with their car while chasing a breakthrough.

**Author's Note:**

> Original locations for some stories (in no particular order):  
> http://norsekink.livejournal.com/3415.html?thread=7747927#t7747927  
> http://norsekink.livejournal.com/3415.html?thread=7992919#t7992919  
> (unfinished one) http://norsekink.livejournal.com/3415.html?thread=8240727#t8240727


End file.
